So here goes, a truth about me that I thought I would never really discuss.
It is a question I have asked of myself before, but now I finally think I
believe it.
I am a feminist.
The reason I have been reluctant to use this term so far is
that I think it misses a fairly important point, in that it doesn't matter what
gender we are (I won't get started on gender identity today, I'll take too long
over it). But after certain considerations, I feel that I may as well embrace
the term in the way I believe it should be.
So why the sudden outpouring? Well, anyone in Exeter, and
probably every student town in the UK will have heard about the recent results
of ShagAtUni's "UK's Horniest Student"award, won by one of the students
here. Essentially a contest of who is having the most sex at university. Now,
there are two problems I have with this in particular:
A) The contest itself is inherently dangerous to young
people, the women involved especially.
B) The use of the term "feminist" by the winner.
Think about it, think about ALL the girls who entered this
competition. Think about when people recognise them and how they might think
"well, she definitely wants it". It's actually rather terrifying to
consider. Most of us are lucky enough to have a fairly minimal presence online
in this respect. We leave our footprints everywhere, but usually nothing
incriminating (other than maybe a rather drunken singing/dancing video on
YouTube). I genuinely worry about what the implications of such a presence are
for young women especially. Unfortunately, the way we think about rape/assault
is not conducive to this idea yet. Being openly promiscuous can land you in
more trouble than the "fun" you're having.
I have no problem with the girl in question. If she's happy
with the outcome of this then I have no right to meddle. But my problem is the
fact that she proclaims herself a "modern-day feminist" in
relation to this pretty abominable competition. I'm not saying here that modern
feminists should be shunned for having lots of sex, this is not the point. The
point is publicising it. Posing provocatively in your underwear with money
pushed down the side of your knickers doesn't exactly scream FEMINISM at
me.
Again, this is not a personal attack. I've met
this girl before, and from my few conversations with her, she's a very vibrant
and nice person. All I will say is that I think this entire venture may have
been ill-advised. The only reason I'm using this as an example is because it
highlights something I've been worried about for a very long time: our culture
of promiscuity.
I wrote a while back about the lovely topic of "Lad
Culture", but I think this needs expanding to a far wider context.
Feminism has allowed women to be more liberal in the way that they conduct
themselves in a social and sexual environment, which is great, don't get me
wrong. What worries me is that the balance has tipped far too much. It seems to
me that we're allowing ourselves to trivialise this (occasionally extreme)
behaviour. I have always been an advocate of being in a relationship before
anything sexual happens. It's just how I am. I tried being more open and free
in my first year of university, but nothing ever really happened, it just never
felt right and I ended up pretty miserable (if any of the guys I met are
reading, no offence is meant by that). By the end of the summer term, I was
crying to my flatmate saying how it just wasn't me. I will never go back to
that life. Not just because I'm happily taken now, even if I wasn't, I'd never
go back to it. It's empty for me. (See my article on relationships over
promiscuity on page 16 in Exepose's Lifestyle section here)
But this is half of the issue, I felt like I needed to
be like this as a student, like it was a right of passage. Since then, I've
seen very young teenagers in sexual health clinics and have overheard some
pretty crude and upsetting conversations that I'd be horrified to hear from adults let
alone children. Again, I'm not saying we should restrict ourselves to the point
of being chaste or frigid, but why are we so compelled to just go out there and
"do it" with whoever, whenever? This need for what seems to be
"sexual validation" has become part of culture, which baffles me. If
there was ever an argument for the complete destruction of boundaries between
public and private life, this would be it.
But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we
HAVE to change the way we think, not just about rape, but about sex. This is
why I will stand up tall as a feminist. Women have fought for political and
economic rights and have made incredible progress (in certain places, again, an
argument for another day), so now we must stand up against the perversion of what
has been achieved. Sexual liberation has been turned into an object of
validation... which is going backwards. Go ahead, enjoy having sex, but for
goodness' sake, do not publicise it to the point of trivialisation, or even
necessity!
