Lad Culture: Where does it all end?

It wasn't until recently that I found Lad Culture to be a problem, as I'd never really experienced it first hand. Sexism is still a problem, even if women are far closer to complete equality than they have ever been. The problem now is that despite their achievements in political and employment circles, women are still degraded by a proportion of men who think it's perfectly fine to objectify and look down upon them. 

The magnitude of the problem was brought to my attention due to the campaign at my University to ban The Sun from shops on campus. I myself voted no, simply due to the fact that I don't believe in banning publications. But I have never bought The Sun and I certainly disagree with the idea of having topless women in a news publication. For a start, there are magazines for that sort of thing on the top shelf (granted not in campus stores, but not far away). Another main problem is that women are portrayed as objects to be looked at and possessed (even if only printed versions of them). 

So the campaign brought to light some very interesting comments from young men who voted no to the ban on grounds very different from my own:

"If women were good enough for these high powered jobs they would be in them, but they're not so they aren't" (One young man justifying why women pose topless for The Sun)

"I respect any woman who'll get her baps out"

"Woman" (Used as an insult towards a man supporting the campaign)

These are only a few and certainly some of the lighter comments that were posted in the facebook group. 

Living in a student-based city, I thought I would be surrounded by like-minded liberals (and I use that term in the least politically-charged way possible) who would practice tolerance and equality. I've come across a  large number of misogynists since then and it has really dimmed my hopeful dreams. But this phenomenon I have seen everywhere. One girl I know is consistently downgraded by her boyfriend in public, and I have on occasion heard him make loaded comments upon her weight. Now, I don't know what happens behind closed doors, and maybe she gives as good as she gets, but at what point did it become OK for guys to say things like that IN PUBLIC about someone who they're meant to care about?

 [Source: Please Stop Being Sad (Tumblr)]

This brings me to my next point: Banter. That seemingly innocent word a few years ago has mutated into a justification for sexist, homophobic and racist humour. It would not surprise me if the aforementioned boyfriend would use the word "banter" if the girl was ever offended by his conduct. The "laddish" types have adopted this as a language of hate and intolerance and it needs to be shut down as the insult to humanity that it is. Jokes are fine in most senses, but if the person on the other end of them being ridiculed for their gender, background or orientation isn't laughing, then that's where to stop. Saying "it's only banter mate, lighten up" is not a legitimate way of continuing. There's taking a joke and there's being insulted. There is a difference. 

Returning from this light to sexism, one of the worrying things about Lad Culture is that they think commenting on a woman's body or SEXUAL attractiveness in a crude manner is complimentary (see comic on left). Don't get me wrong, when my boyfriend makes a comment about how good I look in that respect, I like it a lot, but it's in private and it's coming from someone who I know likes me for more than my appearance.  What I don't like is some random man on the street trying to lure me into a pub to have a drink with him by telling me that I have a "gorgeous big ass". It's not a compliment coming from a stranger like that (and to all those who are thinking it, I was in baggy jeans and a big winter jumper, I was hardly "asking for" a comment like that). If you're going to start valuing people on their appearances, don't be surprised when a girl finally turns round to your "Hey sexy, nice t***" comment with something like "Yeah, like I'd go for someone with your stupid haircut / inadequate muscles / etc". I warn you that it'll happen some day, and you won't like it. You aren't immune to this sort of thing, so don't throw it around as though you're untouchable. 

Women are not meant to be subordinates. We are no less intelligent than men, nor are they any less capable of greatness. There is no reason why they should be confined solely to kitchens, this isn't the 1950s and you're perfectly able to make your own sandwiches. I love to bake and do spend a lot of time in kitchens, but I do it for my own enjoyment and to make both myself and the people I care about happy with sugar-fuelled awesomeness, but at the same time, I'm striving for a career in research, publishing or journalism, things which I know I am capable of achieving. My personal limits do not come from my gender, but from my willpower and ambition, I hope that any future employers will understand that as well as I do. Women should also not be objectified. Admiring beauty and valuing them solely upon it are two distinct things. Appearance should not be the first judging factor of a woman. 

Do these opinions make me a feminist? Yes, probably, but I like to think that it's actually a completely rational point of view to believe this. My argument is for the abolition of objectification and disrespect towards both men AND women, it's just far more prominent towards the latter.

So to all you "lads" out there: I will not stop you from reading The Sun or Nuts or whatever your choice of boob material is, but I can assure you that you would have a far better time with an actual girl with a personality, who you can talk to, go out with and actually genuinely connect with. Hey, if you're lucky, you'll actually get to the point where you see real life breasts on a fairly regular basis, without the hassle of finding someone willing/drunk enough at a club over and over again. But before you get that privilege, you have to learn the respect and compassion that deserves it, and by the time you do that, you'll probably have found that it's not your main priority any more. And if not? Well, I guess that's your loss, and I genuinely pity you.